Words that lie (without meaning to)

When a person speaks, they are not intentionally lying.

But what they say is never a complete expression of what is really going on inside them.

 

Between what is experienced in the gut, in the body, in deep emotions...

and what comes out of the mouth, there is always a filter.

 

 

  • This filter is the person's map of the world.
  • What they want to say.
  • What they can say.
  • What they are capable of saying.
  • What is acceptable for them to say.
  • What doesn't bother them too much to say.
  • What doesn't upset them to say.
  • What doesn't put them in danger to say.
  • What they think they are saying.
  • What they say.

 

In other words, speech is already an adapted version, sometimes softened, sometimes rationalized, and incomplete of the actual inner experience. 

 

In counseling, therapy, or coaching, when someone speaks, what I hear represents only a small part of what they are actually experiencing.

 

  • What I hear.
  • What I listen to.
  • What I understand according to my worldview.
  • What I believe.
  • What I retain.
  • What I apply.

 

Does this really correspond to the person's reality?

To ask the question is to answer it.

 

And that's not a problem.

It's human.

The fundamental misunderstanding of communication

In all communication, three things happen simultaneously:

 

  1. One person experiences something internally.
  2. They put words to only part of that experience. 
  3. The other person hears and interprets  those words based on their own worldview. 

 

In coaching, it is often estimated that the listener perceives only about 17% of the other person's inner reality.

 

And even then... that 17% is never guaranteed to be the most important part.

Why?

 

Because I am not the other person.

 

I don't have their history, their wounds, their filters, their nervous system, their references.

 

Even an identical event can be experienced in completely different ways by two people.

Why “I understand you” can shut down communication

Dans ce contexte, le mot « comprendre » devient délicat.

 

Dire à quelqu’un « je te comprends », même avec la meilleure intention du monde, peut inconsciemment : 

 

  • fermer l’espace de parole,
  • donner l’impression que tout a été dit, 
  • empêcher l’autre d’aller plus loin, plus profondément. 

 

Because if you understand me... what else is there for me to say?

 

However, in authentic coaching, the goal is not to understand the other person in their place.

 

It is to offer them a safe space to discover themselves, word by word, sensation by sensation. 

Hearing rather than understanding

I am not trying to understand the person. I am trying to hear them.

Hear what they are saying. But also what they are not yet saying.

 

  • What they are hesitating to say.
  • What they are skirting around.
  • What they are searching for in words.

 

Above all, I invite them to communicate with themselves, to listen to what is going on inside, beyond the words that are already ready to come out. 

 

It is in this space that true awareness emerges.

Not in interpretation. Not in intellectual understanding.

 

But in presence, listening, and inner exploration.

Un programme qui respecte ton rythme

Le programme peut se déployer sur une période allant de deux à six mois, selon tes besoins, ta réalité et ton rythme.

 

  • Aucun calendrier imposé
  • Aucune pression de performance 
  • Aucun objectif extérieur à atteindre 

 

Tu avances à ton rythme, dans le respect de ton corps, de ton système nerveux et de ta capacité d’intégration. Cette flexibilité favorise des changements plus durables, car ils s’inscrivent naturellement dans ton quotidien.